a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
