Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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