Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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