It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
These tits shall not be calmed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
