I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Enjoy the penises
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
