ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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