My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
