i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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