oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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