Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
