You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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