I think I won the penis lottery.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
