Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
