You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
