Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So vagazzling was a success
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
