i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
