my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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