If i come over, it means nothing
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
