respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
