The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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