someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
