we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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