We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have demons in me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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