My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
