Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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