My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
