those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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