He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
