We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
