This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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