No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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