I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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