woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize