i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
