It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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