Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
