Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
