I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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