I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
