is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
