Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
