I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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