Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
