I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
