WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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