is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
