I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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