Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
