toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
