Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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