careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
