yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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