Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize