this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
