My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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