yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
